On your next date night, what if you did something that really shows you care: Have a possibly uncomfortable conversation about money. The following questions are recommended for couples talk about as well as strategies for a successful conversation. 

1. Are We on Track With Our Budget?

Scrutinize spending: Budget talk can be a source of stress and disagreement, but checking in on saving and spending is worthwhile. If it helps, pretend it is someone else’s budget so that you can view it dispassionately: “Hey, look, ‘Sam’ and ‘Bill’ have a really good deal on their cellphone service!”

Look at a year’s worth of numbers to see where the money is going and where you might cut back. For example, memberships and subscriptions can easily add up, especially the ones that auto-renew. And do you really need all the streaming services? Are you maybe eating out too often while food goes to waste in the fridge?

Evaluate and strategize about savings: How much do you have, and is saving automated? Discuss whether you can buy a house, go on vacation, or pay off the mortgage. Think about whether you need a college savings plan. Are you saving enough for retirement in your 401(k)s or other retirement accounts? Are you giving to charities the way you want?

Behave and think like a team: To make the process less fraught, talk about it as a way to make sure your future together is on track. You can even make these budget sessions enjoyable.

2. What Does ‘Enough’ Mean to You Right Now?

Listen closely: The answer could be about money or something else. Some people say that if they have their family, and everyone is healthy, that is enough. Others might want to switch careers, get promoted, or retire early.

Ask follow-up questions: If one of you says something’s missing, that opens the door to the conversation of, ‘well, what is it that you are not feeling content with?’ And if it is a material thing, then you have got to dig a little deeper and say, ‘well, why is that so important to you? And what can we do to get us there?’

3. How Can We Be More Open and Collaborative With Money?

Be honest about debts: If you have $150,000 in student loans but your partner does not, they need to know that is part of your financial picture. Maybe one of you takes a smaller share of the monthly household expenses for a while to pay down that debt. But do not hold that over each other’s heads long term. Think: “We are in this together.”

Talk about joint versus separate accounts: Research shows that couples that join their finances together and operate as a team tend to do better overall.

One behavioral scientist who studied this is Scott Rick, an associate professor of marketing at the University of Michigan’s Ross School of Business: “We did an experiment with engaged and newlywed couples who had separate accounts … and what we found was that the couples we prompted to open and use a joint account, they maintained their newlywed level of relationship satisfaction.” That said, other setups can work, too. Do what is right for you.

Do not hide spending: Again, you are a team, and you want to be able to trust each other. If you are covering up expenses because you think your partner would not approve, that is a problem. 

Keep in mind that covering up spending is not the same as having guilt-free discretionary funds. There is room for each person to have their separate accounts. Nevertheless, your personal account should not be secret, because in a relationship, financial infidelity is devastating. Finances are one of the most intimate things that exist in a relationship.

Nevertheless, your personal account shouldn’t be secret, “because in a relationship, financial infidelity, it is devastating. Finances are one of the most intimate things that exist in a relationship,” says Ramit Sethi, a personal finance expert and author.

Divide and decide: If one of you is doing day-to-day tasks like paying bills, and the other one handles investing, you should still be making decisions together. For any separate accounts, you should both know how to access them. It is recommended that the more financially involved spouse put together an annual household net worth statement detailing individual and joint assets and debts, and then walk through it together at least once a year.

4. Do You Feel That the Work We Each Do—Paid or Unpaid—Is Valued Fairly?

Avoid a power imbalance: Talk about caregiving and household labor as real and important contributions to the family. If one person makes more—or all—the money, that does not mean the other one should do all the chores and childcare to “make up” for it. That can lead to resentment.

This is another area where a joint account could help. It can blur income differences, push it out of our minds as much as possible. If one person’s working and perhaps the other one is staying home with young children, you just want it to be in the background.

5. What Are the Common Goals for Our Future Together?

Share your vision: How would you spend your ideal day during the next phase of life? Maybe one of you wants to volunteer in the community, while the other yearns to travel the world. This is the time to figure out how to sync up your goals and ideas. How much time will you spend together when you are not working outside the home anymore? Do you want to move? Do you picture a house, condo, motor home, or retirement community?

You may not agree on everything, but the conversation will help each of you understand what your partner really wants and clarify what a shared future might look like.